Ladies, check out my top ten dating profile red flags. Knowing to click "next" after seeing one of these will save you a lot of time and pain. Men, don't be these guys!
1. Hat Trick
If a guy's profile only shows pictures of him wearing a cap/hat, don't just assume that is his favorite hat or that all of his photos must have been taken from the same outing. In the "physical description" section under hair color he likely answered "ask me later." A lot of bald guys are hot, but what's not hot is a self-loathing, insecure man hiding under his hat.
2. "Model" Citizen
Avoid a guy that talks about how he does some "modeling/acting on the side," is a "former model/personal trainer," or any variation of having once been "a super successful model". They either feel that's all they have going for them is their looks, are living in the past, or they're not looking their best these days and are hoping that mentioning they used to model will make them appear hotter.
3. CAPITAL OFFENSE
A GUY THAT WRITES HIS ENTIRE PROFILE IN ALL CAPS SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS. I.E. "I'M JUST YOUR EVERYDAY PEOPLE AND WOULD LOVE TO MEET SOMEONE SEXY AND DOWN TO EARTH." UH, CAPITAL HELL TO THE NO. IT'S AS IF THEY'RE OVERCOMPENSATING WITH LARGE FONT FOR THEIR SMALL INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY, OR WORSE, MAYBE SOMETHING ELSE.
4. "Killer" Profile
If a guy's profile pic even remotely resembles Jeffrey Dahmer, to the point where you are seriously questioning if it is actually him or perhaps a second cousin, you might want to go ahead and click "next." You know, the emaciated guy with the glasses, scraggily hair and a total menacing, pedofile-esque look on his smile-less face. Granted, some people aren't photogenic and look much better in person but honestly, are you wiling to risk your life on it?
5. Come Correct
If someone mentions they are "opened to the possibilities," have interests which may seem like "contractions," are "emmotionally availabile," and or, get this, "find grammatical errors an spelling mitakes a turn-off," you may want to go ahead and flag their profile as inappropriate.
6. The "Hang" Man
"I'm looking for someone to hang out with and get to know." Translation: I'm not looking for a relationship or to take you out on dates. I want to kick it with you at your crib late night so I can get familiarized with your liquor cabinet and favorite positions. Don't worry I'll bring the 420. Let's just say these relationships tend to be short-lived just like the text messages they're usually founded on.
7. Humor Me
Avoid guys that find the need to talk up their humor a la "I have a dry wit, sure to make you laugh," or "I think that my most distinguished trait is my self-deprecating sense of humor." They may even go as far as to say "I'm the funniest guy you'll ever meet LOL." Be warned ladies, these are the least funny guys ever. Date the self-proclaimed "funny guy" and you'll be courtesy laughing for life.
8. Fit To Be Tied
Avoid any and all men that say, "working out and staying in shape are very high on my list of priorities." They probably then delve into stats on how frequently they go to the gym. They of course like to do a "variety of activities including hiking, skiing, triathlons, running, biking, etc." They pride themselves on staying in "tip-top shape" and believe "the body is a gift and should be maintained." What they haven't come to realize is that being so "fit" and "big" actually makes "it" appear even smaller.
9. Lost In Translation
"Maybe should me first by said that English is no my speaking." If you think that was hard to decipher think of how much time he put into perfecting it via his use of an [insert foreign language here] to English translator. Sorry ladies, I don't know about you, but I for one don't have the patience to date a guy that requires subtitles. I've done it once and you just end up smiling and nodding a lot.
10. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
I get really turned off by guys that describe themselves as "very attractive," "charming," "kind," "honest," "generous," "romantic," "blah," "blah," "adjective," "blah."
Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. Post your pic and let us be the judge. And for the rest of it, it should come across in what you say and how you say it. Stop trying to lead the witness!