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Nov
25
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Title: Avoid Holiday Hell. A Single Gal’s Survival Tips To Meeting The Parents
Author: amberguesa | Location: NEW YORK
Date: 11/25/2010
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“You Never Get a Second Chance to Make a First Impression,” has been forever ingrained in our minds thanks to the Head and Shoulders ad campaigns of the 1980’s. Meeting the parents for the first time can definitely be a ‘make or break’ relationship milestone that you want to get right the first time. Below are my tips and dating advice for successfully navigating the “parental waters” during the already stressful holidays.
Know Before You Go
First and foremost, only agree to meet the parents if you consider your relationship to be serious and on that level. I can’t tell you how many of my girlfriends and/or matchmaking clients have agreed to meet the parents of someone they’re not even that “into”. Talk about sending mixed messages! Here this person thinks you guys are totally serious because you’re spending the holidays with them and their family, and in reality, you were just in it for the free home cooked meal or maybe because you had nothing better going on. I’m telling you, it happens, so consider what meeting your significant others parents means to them and their family. Make sure this is the path you want to go down because at the end of the day if it doesn’t work out now you don’t only have to break up with them but also their family.
The 411
Open and honest communication is key to the success of any relationship. Hopefully you and your significant other are already close and you are aware of their home life growing up and any on-going family dramas or hot buttons. In the event you aren’t, now’s the time to get up to speed quickly. How did the parents meet? Are they religious? What do they do for work? What are their interests, and/or favorite T.V. shows? What if anything did they not like about any previous girlfriends? If you guys are staying the night, are the parents the type to let you stay in the same room? You definitely need the low-down on anything and everything familial prior to going into what could very well be the lion’s den.
Get On The Same Page
Anticipating the tough questions and having a game plan as to how to answer them is a must. Do you want the parents to know you guys met at an S&M bar, on a free online dating site or at a “Bi-onic” speed dating event for bi-sexual women and the men that love them? If not, you better get your stories straight. Are the parents aware that you are living together? If not, you need to make sure you don’t accidently “out” your living situation while passing the mashed potatoes. Topics to be prepared for might include if you’re having safe sex, when you’re getting married and/or having kids. In the event you’re dealing with manipulative parents, or more likely, a possessive mom who may bring up stories about ex-girlfriends, it’s always good to have a full-disclosure session with your mate beforehand so there are no major surprises. In trying times like these it’s good to refer to the Boy Scouts tried and true motto, “be prepared”.
Come Bearing Gifts
When meeting the parents for the first time you definitely don’t want to go in empty-handed. A nice bottle of wine, their favorite dessert, fresh-cut flowers, a new release or classic DVD or board game of the Milton Bradley variety are some good gift ideas. If they’re not drinkers, maybe some gourmet coffee, sparkling cider or chocolates. Something personalized is always the best way to go, but at the end of the day it’s the thought that counts. It’s sort of like Kindergarten where if you bring something to class you have to have enough for everyone. It wouldn’t be cool for you to bring something very specific and un-sharable, say a picture frame or book for one person leaving out the rest of the family.
Keep It Real
Be genuine, be sincere, be yourself. Many dating coaches would recommend you avoid certain topics of discussion all together…politics, sex, religion. I have a different view on this. I believe if these topic come up you should discuss your views honestly and respectfully. At the end of the day if the parents are going to hate you, might as well establish that early on and know what you’re potentially getting yourself into. There’s also a fine line between being complimentary and being fake. Don’t be the fake, kiss-ass girlfriend that is throwing out compliments left and right, desperate to earn the families approval. No one likes that.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Don’t just offer to help around the kitchen,…jump right in. Is mom setting the table? Grab some silverware and get in there. This is the perfect opportunity for one on one bonding and to demonstrate your stellar domestic skills. Has everyone finished eating? Start clearing the table. Nothing is more annoying than the faux, almost inaudible offer to help. The insincere, “Can I help with anything?”, knowing they’re not going to take you up on your offer. You want to make a good impression on the family, don’t talk about it, in the words of Nike, “Just Do It.” In the event the fa |
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